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Writing this blog is starting to feel like a big commitment. When I began I didn’t really think about the length of time or days involved, I was excited about the inspiration of giving myself permission to journal each day about any dream messages or thoughts that I receive while we are traversing this surreal time that we all find ourselves in. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the start but now when I look at the numbers I realise what a big commitment I have set myself.

The dictionary has several definitions of commitment, one is “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action” and another, “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity etc”. Along with the social isolation rules I don’t think that I have ever felt so restricted in the freedom of my movement while at the same time felt so free in relation to the current simplicity of life.

I’ve never seen myself as someone who shy’s away from commitment, especially if is something that I am passionate about. But now that I am in the daily routine of home isolation I am becoming more aware of my relationship to commitment. Some days I feel time pressure, other days I have no idea what to say, other days the words flow, other days the dreams are powerful, other days there are no dreams. Part of me expects to have some enlightened words appear on the page uniformally each day, while another part of me understands that the creative process is not so neat and tidy.

This must be what all writers and artists go through. The lengthy prose, essential personal growth posts, and heartfelt poems are just not an everyday occurrence and that is how it is. Hopefully those creative energies will come through and flow much smoother if I keep writing in between the bigger highlights. If I keep listening, continue to ask for guidance, and write, even when I feel like the words aren’t coming together very well, I believe that the journey will be worth it.

I’ve read that the irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating — in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life. Commitment rises above thoughts and feelings, it is a promise that regardless of outcome, means if I ‘show up’ for myself it will take me on a journey of self discovery, while hopefully at the same time be of service to others.

So here I am. Committing. Out loud. In writing. One word after another that I will be here, on this journal, sharing something everyday. Expect the unexpected. Expect to witness my struggles. Expect to feel. Expect to be inspired by the alchemy of one person, showing up, day after day devoted to life, to healing, to family and friends, in the desire to bring a little more light into this world.