Last night I dreamt of people that I have been in relationships with in the past but have not thought about for some time in my waking life.

Often when intimate relationships fail we are left with the energy of the connection for a long time. What reaches deep into the heart stays in the heart. Someone wise once said to me “our hearts are large enough to love many people, not just one” and this is so true.

But there is also a time when really letting go of any past attachments is very important and this can be done through ritual. By ritual I mean having a strong intention following by actions that signify that it is the right time to fully release any ‘old attachments’ to a person that no longer serve you or them. This allows us and them to be completely free of energy that would prevent us from being truly present. Often releasing past attachments involves the emotion of forgiveness, forgiveness for ourselves and forgiveness for them.

Fire is the element that I work with for forgiveness and letting go. There are many different activities that we can do with fire to release energy but the important thing is that you are ready and want to do it. Think about the fire ceremony as the final step of a long journey, the last dose of soul medicine that allows you to really let something go. You can’t rush it. You can’t spiritually bypass it.

When you are ready pick a night for your fire ceremony. Use whatever means you have to create a fire (within regulations of course). You may wish to work with the moon energy, particularly the dark moon phase just before the new moon, which is a period for release and banishing. It is important to get present to any thoughts and emotions that you are still holding on to, so that you can integrate what you have learned (key step!). Get some paper, and write it all out. Any words you wished you could have said that were unable to be said, any feelings you may have wished to express but couldn’t. Get it all down on paper. On a different piece of paper you can also acknowledge and give thanks for what you have learned and what you would love for the future. You may wish to wrap your paper around a stick and tie it with red string as a final completion exercise.

The Ho’oponopono prayer is the perfect prayer for forgiveness. While holding your offering, stand next to the fire and say:

I LOVE YOU (for the gifts you gave me, OR saying ‘I love you’ to yourself)

I’M SORRY (for any pain I caused you)

PLEASE FORGIVE ME (for my part in this)

THANK YOU (for all that I’ve learned)

Again and again, “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you”.

Crumple up the papers while you’re reciting the forgiveness prayer and when you feel ready to release, put them in the fire.

Watch the fire absorb and transmute any attachments. Breathe some deep breaths, and I love to place my hands on the earth and feel it all drain into the earth where it is alchemized into food for life.

“It is done, it is gone, it is over.”

Stay for as long as you need and use more voice, movement, music or breath to release it all from your physical, emotional, and mental bodies.

Then, walk away.

When you catch yourself mulling over this issue again, stop and gently remind yourself that you burned it and it’s over and done. Forever. You no longer need to hold any energy for what is done, is done.