I woke this morning with a strong message “All Roads Lead from Self Love”.

We hear the term “self love” bantered around quite a bit, but what does it really mean, especially in the current “me” culture?

The way that the human psyche is structured means that most humans operate from deeply held unconscious beliefs, which experts say are programmed into our psyche from birth to approximately age 7. This makes sense to me as an astrologer as it is the first quarter of the first Saturn cycle, which sets the foundation for our egoic orientation to life. Ultimately what the ego is trying to do is to keep us safe by locking in a pattern of behaviour, which forms as a result of our early experiences in life.

According to Robert Fritz there are twelve core beliefs, which include: I’m Unworthy, I’m Not [Good] Enough, I Don’t Belong, I Need to Control Myself, I Can’t Trust Myself, Others or the World, I’m Insignificant/Invisible, I Don’t Have the Capacity, There is a “Right Way”, There is a “Way Things Are” [the world is], I’m Powerless, I’m Not Allowed to be Capable, I Need to Be Perfect. [1]

Most of us have a variety of these unconscious beliefs to some degree or another, but we usually have one main core belief that runs a little deeper than the others. Willow, a wonderful friend and teacher, taught me that as a result of our core beliefs we each have a distinct pattern of behaviour. Without being consciously aware of it, every time we go for something in life, we repeat exactly the same steps in the same order every single time that stops us getting what we really want in life.

The point in discussing patterns and unconscious beliefs is that they are not a result of self love but are a creation of the child’s ego to protect us. To love the self means that there is nothing to be fixed about our pattern but to accept and even embrace this shadow aspect of ourselves as a magnificent creation, and as Willow points out, ultimately proof of our divinely creative nature. It is in embracing this aspect of ourselves through self love that we can move beyond our prescriptive responses and align ourselves with our heart and soul.

The Bible says of love at 1 Corinthians: Love is Patient, it is Kind, it is not Jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, it does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, Love never Fails. I would also add that love is also courageous, brave and vulnerable.

First and foremost we need to apply these principles to the relationship that we have with ourselves, which means bringing awareness to how we are treating ourselves – are we kind, patient, protective, trusting, forgiving, hopeful and happy with the truth of who we are. To love oneself is to take responsibility for one’s own mental, physical and spiritual well being and happiness.  

All Roads Lead from Self Love because ultimately how we treat ourselves is how we treat the world. This takes vulnerability in becoming self aware of our stance in life and the courage to go for what we would love to create for ourselves. It doesn’t always mean that we will get what we want because that is not the aim of the game. The aim of the game is to come from a stance of self love and see where the road takes you.

[1] Robert Fritz (2010), The Path of Least Resistance